Gift # 7: Chapter 3

[mander3-swish.livejournal.com]

TO: oceanreign
FROM: 7wildwaysup
TITLE: Stronger Together…
Chapter Summary: They’re finally home, together and ready to relax, but it’s less than peaceful to say the least. 3450 words.



Chapter Three ~ Home at Last…

We’re finally home. We spent the whole day traveling home from Baltimore, to Pittsburgh, although the plane ride wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. The airline stewardess made Brian as comfortable as possible. Of course, in first class, they aim to please and Brian flies so frequently he actually knows some of them by name. There was a limo waiting at the airport for us; my mom flew back yesterday and prepared the house for our arrival.

The fridge and cupboards were stocked, and she made up the guest room after meeting with Shelley, our private nurse, who will be staying with us while Brian recuperates. I was surprised when we got home to find out that I knew Shelley from our days at St. James’ Academy. She graduated from Temple University as a Registered Nurse, and she’s been working at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Chicago.

She just moved back to Pittsburgh after becoming engaged to her longtime boyfriend Charlie.  She’s been accepted to Pittsburgh University Medical School, where she plans on specializing in Oncology. She and Brian seem to be getting along great, and it’s a relief to know that there’s someone else here besides me to care for Brian. He was a real bear after his surgery last time, but this time around I think he’s just grateful to be alive. This cancer scare has really shaken him up.

I’m so glad to be home. I really hate hospitals; they always make me feel on edge and bring back so many bad memories. Tomorrow is the day before Christmas and even though I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, I do want to decorate the house a little. I’d like to make a festive dinner for two on Christmas day, but with Brian’s limited food options it’s challenging. I lie here next to him as he sleeps, brainstorming ideas.

Tomorrow’s Shelley’s engagement party at some fancy hotel and I don’t expect her home afterwards. We agreed that through the holidays she would be here for several hours in the morning and then again in the afternoon. I think Brian and I can handle it on our own through the other hours. Of course, her boyfriend Charlie is more than welcome to stay here with her. He’s still living in Boston and will be moving back early next year; he has accepted a position with a new law firm, starting in February.

~~~

Brian slept well last night. I think just being home and sleeping in his own bed really helped out. He’s been careful with his diet and this morning I made him cream of wheat and a small mix of fresh strawberries and tangerine slices. He seemed to enjoy that and it didn’t give him any problems, so I’m hopeful we’ll be able to find a diet that he enjoys and doesn’t upset his stomach. He’s still tired all the time and sleeps a lot. I’ve bought him a stack of DVDs to watch and a shitload of magazines; GQ, Smithsonian, Rolling Stone, Entrepreneur, Discover, Fortune, The New Yorker, Forbes, Mad Magazine and National Geographic.

I didn’t hear the doorbell, but the sound of Lindsay’s voice is unmistakable as it echoes up the stairs. I can tell Shelley’s frustrated by Lindsay’s pushiness and insistence that she’s family, so she should be able to barge right in.

“Lindsay, what are you doing here?”

“Justin, I didn’t know you were back. I thought that you and Brian were still in Europe?”

“Ah ha. So then, why are you here?”

“I’m in town for the holidays, and I figured I’d stay here.”

“But you don’t have a key. How were you planning on getting in? Besides, don’t you think you should have asked first?”

“I figured that you’d have a key hidden away somewhere outside. I asked Ted, but he insisted that he didn’t know.”

“This really isn’t a good time. Brian and I just got home and we really want some privacy and time for ourselves.”

“Nonsense. This is a huge house. You won’t even know I’m here.”

She glances at Shelley. “Excuse me, dear. I think I’ll have a drink. Could you make me a daiquiri?”

“Lindsay. Shelley isn’t the maid.”

“Oh… Well… Justin would you please be a dear and pay the taxi driver and bring in my luggage.”

Justin glares at her for a moment then goes outside.

“So where is Brian? And who are you again? Shelley? I don’t believe I’ve heard of you before.”

“Brian isn’t seeing visitors.”

“Yet, here you are.”

Her condescending tone just irks Shelley and Justin, as he returns to the house and overhears her.

“Justin? Where is the bar set up? I haven’t really spent any time here before.”

“How about a bottle of water? We’re not really drinking these days.”

She just stares at him like he’s speaking a foreign language.

“Where are my suitcases? Did you put them in my room already?”

“No. I paid the taxi driver for you and he’s waiting to take you back into town, or your parents’ house, or wherever you plan to go.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Like I said, Brian and I want our privacy. We plan on spending this holiday season by ourselves.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Once everyone finds out you’re home, they’ll all want to see you too."

“Yes. Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to anyone. Just because we’re home now, doesn’t mean we don’t want to spend the holidays alone, just the two of us.”

“You’re actually asking me to leave?”

“Yes. I am, and I’d appreciate it if you’d call in the future before just stopping by. After all it is a long drive from the city and there’s no reason to make the trip uninvited.”

“Well I never! I want to talk to Brian! You can’t just throw me out of here! I’m family and I’m sure Brian will want to see me.”

“He’s sleeping…”

“Well, wake him up!”

“Lindsay!”

“Brian! It’s so great to see you! Merry Christmas!”

But of course just as the words leave her mouth she notices that he’s still in his pajamas; he has bedhead hair and looks really sick.

“Oh Brian, aren’t you feeling well? It’s a good thing I’m here. I can take care of you. I’m sure Justin doesn’t have a clue what to do. I’m a mother you know. I should be the one to care for you.”

“No!”

“Brian! Don’t be silly. I’m here now. I’ll take care of you, and Justin can play with his little friend.”

“Lindsay, just stop. This isn’t open for discussion. I need to lie back down. Besides, shouldn’t you be with your wife and kids?”

“They didn’t come with me.”

“You’re not spending the holidays with Gus?”

“Well no… But let me explain.”

“I really don’t feel well right now. I’m sure I’ll hear all about it from Michael. Now I’m going back to bed. Good bye, Lindsay.”

She looks stunned, as she watches Brian climb the grand staircase. Justin gestures towards the door.

“Here let me get the door for you, and remember we want our privacy, so please keep this to yourself.”

“You know this isn’t right. This isn’t how it is supposed to be.”

“Oh, how’s that?”

“You and Brian were never supposed to stay together. It was supposed to be Michael.”

“Really? Is that why you up and told Brian I needed to move to New York?”

“Yes. You never would have become the artist you are today if I hadn’t pushed you.”

“Ah yes. The artist that you never became.”

“That’s a cruel and mean thing to say to me.”

“Yes, and you’ve been so polite to me today.”

“You think you’re so high and mighty. That you know what’s best for Brian. But what would have been best, is if he actually married Michael.”

“Are we back to that again?”

“I’m just saying, I think he’d be happier in the long run. Brian and Michael are so close.”

“You mean they were so close. They don’t really spend much time together these days. Besides, as I recall Michael was already married to Ben for years.”

“Yes, but we all knew Ben would eventually die, and he did.”

“Oh? So Brian was the backup plan?”

“No. Not exactly. That just kind of happened. Michael was giving Brian time to sow his wild oats, then they were supposed to settle down and get married.”

“There’s that phrase again, ‘supposed to.’ So sorry to have ruined the plan. I assume a plan Brian was never consulted on?”

“It was always understood. But then you came along, you just kept chasing him. Making him think he was in love with you. You’ll see, he’ll get bored always waiting around for you to return from one of your commissions, or gallery openings.”

“Wow! Tell me how you really feel about me!”

“You just don’t get it. He’ll never be the one you really want. The one that you’ll be happy with in the long run.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see now, won’t we? Now hurry along, your taxi is waiting.”

Justin’s a little shocked by this outburst of Lindsay’s. Is this really what everyone thinks about their marriage? Shelley just shrugs her shoulders while raising her eyebrows.

“Some friend.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that. I had no idea that’s how she felt.”

“If it’s any consolation, I think you and Brian are great together. You both seem really happy, and so in love.”

“Thanks, Shelley, that’s sweet. Let’s hope your new family welcomes you with open arms, instead of back-stabbing insults.”

“Thanks, I hope so too. I guess I should get ready for my big party tonight. You’re sure you’re okay with me leaving Brian for the night? Because I‘ll be glad to come back after the party if you like.”

“No, I’m sure we’ll be fine. You go and have a great time and congratulations again. I know you’ll be happy together.”

They both head upstairs. Shelley goes to her room to take a long hot bath before the big event. Justin goes into Brian’s study in search of a joint; he needs something to take the edge off after his conversation with Lindsay.

He’s lying on Brian’s leather sofa inhaling to smoke deep into his lungs. Then he slowly exhales it, waiting for the weed to take effect. It’s been a long time since he’s smoked pot. He could have probably scored some in Spain, but why risk it? A long prison sentence in a foreign country was the last thing he wanted, he needed to focus on the murals. After all he was paid a small fortune for all his hard work.

His eyes wander around the room, looking at his paintings. Brian has several of them adorning the walls of his office. Then he spots a letter on Brian’s desk with his name written in cursive across the front. He sits up and reaches for it, pondering if he should actually read it. Of course he can’t help wondering what it says. So he carefully opens the envelope slowly, trying not to rip or crinkle the paper.


Dear Justin,

By the time you’ve read this I’ll already have been in surgery and you’ll probably know about my cancer. I know I promised after last time that I wouldn’t keep things from you, and I’m sorry that I broke that promise. I never meant to hurt you, although I know I have, and all I can say is that I thought it was for the best.

I know sorry’s bullshit! Famous last words… I just didn’t want you to worry, and you needed to finish up your murals. By the way they are fantastic. You’re so talented and I’m sure they’ll be admired by art critics from around the world. After all they were painted by “The Great Justin Taylor.” Never doubt your talent, you’re absolutely brilliant and the world is ready to take notice.

I love you, Justin. I really do, more than I’ve ever been able to express. And that’s another regret I have. I should have told you sooner, and often. I don’t know why it was so hard to say those three little words, because I felt them from the depths of my heart.

And if I could do it all over again, I’d do it differently. I would have told you right from the beginning that you captured my heart, even though it scared the hell out of me. I never would have let you go after you agreed to marry me. I should have gone with you to New York, and we could have been together. “Its only time” was just another one of my mantras, and we both know it was bullshit.

I’m sorry I never gave you all those things you wanted, a home, and a family. If it’s any consolation I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. And, I too, wish we hadn’t wasted all those years, and had settled down sooner. I would have loved to have held a little sunshine in my arms, and I hope you’ll get these things someday.

Sitting here writing this I realize that I should have told you I was sick, I miss you so much. And the truth is I’m scared. I never expected the cancer would return and spread, although Dr. Diaz says he thinks we caught it early. I don’t know if that’s true. I have a really bad feeling about this, and I so wish you were here with me. Just to see your beautiful face, and your brilliant smile one last time.

I can only imagine how furious you are with me, and I don’t blame you. Once you get past all the anger, and grief, I hope you’ll open your heart to another. You deserve to be loved, and happy. I know you’ll have a long and beautiful life, I just wish it could have been with me. Maybe we’ll meet up on the other side, although I doubt we’ll end up in the same place.

Please don’t cry, and when you think of me I hope you’ll remember the good times. Even though I know I often treated you badly, you never deserved that. I’m so sorry about that as well. I really was a mean bastard. If it helps any I never really meant it. I just thought you deserved someone so much better than me, and now you’ll have that chance.

I truly love you, Justin, with all my heart ~ Brian

I can’t help the tears running down my face, as I wipe them away with the back of my hand. After reading Brian’s letter, my heart just aches. The love I feel for him is boundless. I’m so grateful that Brian survived the surgery and is just down the hall sleeping. I carefully fold the letter back up and return it to the envelope. Thankfully it wasn’t sealed. Even though I’ve always known that Brian loves me, reading it in Brian’s own handwriting just solidifies it in my heart.

I snuggle down next to Brian and he naturally curls up next to me, finally resting his head on my stomach. I run my fingers through his hair; even at forty-three he’s still so beautiful with just a hint of silver flecks in his auburn mane. I can’t help replaying his letter in my head, it was so heartfelt. Him leaving himself so vulnerable and open, unlike the man I know so well. I can only imagine how hard that was for him to write, and how frightened he was going into his surgery. I’m so glad we talked on the phone for a few minutes beforehand. Maybe that helped calm him down as they wheeled him into the operating room.

There’s a hint of snow in the air as the cold winter wind makes the windows vibrate, and I feel a draft in the bedroom. I should get up and make Brian something to eat; it’s already been a couple of hours. I can’t help thinking it’s just like a baby’s feeding schedule. That’s when my mind returns to his written words, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I would have loved to hold a little sunshine in my arms.”

I naturally daydream about us raising children together, it’s something I never thought he’d give me. It just goes to show how much we have really grown together, and the possibilities that are before us. I’m lost in my thoughts when I hear him say, “What’s on your mind, Sunshine? I can hear you thinking from down here.”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Come on, spill. I know you better than that.”

But when I speak something completely different comes tumbling out. Maybe self-consciously I need to know if what Lindsay said was true. Because I hear myself asking him…

“Do you ever wish things had turned out differently?”

Now that’s vague enough…

“In what way?”

“Do you ever wish it was Michael?”

“Wish what was Michael?”

“That the two of you ended up together, instead of marrying me?”

“No. God, no…”

“Why would you ever think that?”

“Well, he is your best friend, and it’s no secret that he’s in love with you.”

“Yeah but…That’s Mikey fantasy, not mine.”

“I know, but if we never met, don’t you think you two would have ended up together?”

“No. No, absolutely not… I’ve never been attracted to Michael. Besides even if we did get together, we wouldn’t still be together now.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’ve grown apart. We’ve both grown up and moved in different directions. We hardly have anything in common anymore.”

“I know but…”

“Sunshine. You know me well enough to know that if I want something, I go after it. No matter how much Michael may pine for me, I’ve never felt that way towards him.”

“But, everybody expected that you two would be together when you finally settled down.”

“Everybody? Not me… Like I said, I’ve never felt that way towards him. Where is all this coming from?”

“It’s nothing. I was just wondering.”

“Did Lindsay say something to you?”

“Maybe…”

“Oh God. Don’t listen to her, she’s obviously been talking with Michael.”

“Oh…”

“While you were away in Spain, Michael made some grand declaration to me about how he always knew it would be us in the end. But don’t worry, I set him straight.”

I break out in my sunshine smile, grinning at him as he lifts his head and kisses me passionately.

“So what are you hungry for?”

He raises his eyebrows and lifts the blankets showing me his long, hard, cock.

“So you want dessert first, and then dinner?”

“Always!”

Brian rolls over onto his back as Justin climbs under the covers. This is the first time since he’s been back from Spain that Brian’s indicated he feels sexually aroused. Justin’s happy, he wasn’t sure when Brian’s sex drive would return. Remembering how things were after his first cancer scare he didn’t want to initiate anything or make Brian feel uncomfortable.

Just the feel of Justin’s breath across his abdomen rouses him; he arches his back as Justin takes his beautiful firm dick into his mouth. The warmth of Justin’s wet lips encompassing him sends endorphins swimming through his bloodstream, making him even more excited. Brian’s fingers naturally start carding Justin’s hair, as he bobs his head up and down on his shaft. He loves feeling the ripples of sensation as he glides against Justin’s taut cheeks. 

Justin increases his speed and depth as he takes Brian’s cock deeper into his throat. Brian thrashes his head back against the pillow as he moans his pleasure. It’s been so long since they’ve actually been together sexually, and Brian knows he won’t last long. Their eyes lock as Brian holds Justin’s head firmly in his hands as he thrusts his hips. He’s intoxicated by the sensations pulsating throughout him as he explodes, shooting down his throat.

He can still feel the vibrations quaking through his limbs, as Justin brushes his cum-covered lips against his. This is what they’ve both missed, the intimacy that’s only shared with someone who knows your body as well as you do. Someone you share that unbreakable bond with, that’s developed over years. They’re both relieved that they’ve made it over one more hurdle. They’re stronger than ever, and the passion and love they feel for one another will never die.

CH 4